Women Stealing Man's Identity

Housewives Who Are Getting Unemployment Benefits Are Having Their Cake And Eating It Too!

Transparency

As With Giving The Baby A Bottle Before It Cries, Transparency Is Doing Something Without Being Asked To Do It.

Family Schemes

Private Citizens And Public Schools.

Religious Enlightenment

Religious Enlightenment Can Be Explained As Someone Spinning Around Until They Get Dizzy And Then Claiming That It's A Message From God, Which Can Be Cured By A Simple, "Stop Being A Moron, You Moron!".

Amateur Brain Surgery

Making People Think You Believe In Something, Isn't The Same Thing As Believing In Something.

If You Break, They Win!

Just Say "NO" To Privacy Invaders.

Indifference

The Less I Worry About You, The Better I Feel.

MBTA Air Conditioning

When I'm On The Train, Why Do I Feel Like I'm In The Bahamas Wearing An Eskimo Parka?

Making Up Your Mind

Spying Methods Distort What Is Being Observed.

The Bleeding Dye Of Tapestry

The Continuity Of The Cultural Fabric Is Frayed Where A Thread Of Excesses Benefits Only One Above All Others. Quality Suffers To An Undeserved Benefactor.

Governmental Anti-Contingent Compensation

Politicians Are Like Corporate Bank CEOs, They Get Paid Whether They Perform Or Not.

Double Standard Caveat

If The US Condemns Iraq For Attacking Kuwait Because It's Oil Wells Tunneled Under Iraq's Border, The US Should Not Condemn Mexico For Tunneling Under The US Border To Allow Illegal Immigrants In.

The Peaceful Oust Of The US Government

Police Sirens Vs. Car Alarms
Police Radios Vs. Cell Phones
Criminal Records Vs. Mailing List Databases
Proof Vs. Telepathy
Court Vs. The Grand Jury
Taxes Vs. Stimulus

Suspect Preemption

When The Government Places A Price On Someones Head, The Press Will Pay For Any Documents That Will Implicate The Government!

On Setting The Example

Concealing Evidence By Means Of Classified Documents Renders The Defendant Innocent.

Sirens

Firefighter Layoff Pain-Sharing.

If You Don't Like What You Hear, Don't Listen!

Lesbians Use Men Telepathically As Human Cameras.